The Poison Gamble


By Dolores J. Nurss

Dream Notes
Chapter 40
On the Anvil of Ordeal

Once again, I have managed to accidentally erase my original dream notes. I will try my best to reconstruct them. I really ought to start backing these up as conscientiously as the fiction!
 
The opening scene comes straight out of the second core dream. In my strictly legalistic teens, I felt enormous guilt in recording Lisa's words accurately, fearing to break the Ten Commandments by taking the Lord's name in vain. Yet I felt, still more compellingly, that God wanted me to be true to this dream at all costs. Most readers cannot fathom with what difficulty I wrote down those simple words, "Oh God," but in the end fidelity to what I had received won out.


(I have since come to the conclusion that taking the Lord's name in vain means claiming that God backs you in something that He does not, or has given you instructions that He hasn't, or revealed things to you that He didn't, for your own vain purposes.  Taking His name and covering your own decisions and desires with it, without His permision.)

Zanne's scene came of the third core dream. At this point I had moved firmly into her viewpoint, and while the details remained fuzzy, they got clearer the closer I came to waking up. I did not recall specifically what Zanne studied, just that I, as she, became fascinated with details of something that should have upset me, so intellectualized that I did not immediately connect it to myself. Logically, awake, that seemed like it would refer to the ropes, and the abrasions under them.
 
I did not directly dream of Don and Lisa making love. However, I did dream the widespread knowledge, later, that they had lost their virginities to each other on that boat, during that hellish time. I can only speculate that a desperate desire for consolation motivated them in this least romantic setting.
 
I did dream, in quite a bit of detail, the disrespecting-in-the-morning scene. I only added the mis-set chock because I knew that Don fussed about something to do with boating, but at the time I didn't know enough about boating to know what might have set him off. I did research to fill in the gap, here and elsewhere.
 
I only remembered the initial dialogue vaguely, but I did know that it hung ripe with sexual innuendos that let everybody figure out what had gone on before. I do remember, very specifically, him shouting that he was leaving, and Jake, helpless not to laugh, asking where he intended to go. I remember a hopeless giggle-attack overtaking all of us, made worse when Don fell and got the sludge-bucket's contents in the face. (I also had a vague sense of Randy's ravings taking a funny turn, though I couldn't remember on waking what he said.) And then Don insanely gripped the tiller like we were going somewhere, shouting in a rage about our lack of responsibility and how we could all capsize for all he cared, despite having sea-anchor out. I remember him swinging at Jesse, hitting the tiller instead, and falling overboard.
 
And then, fished out, I remember him suddenly realizing what was happening to him. I remember, verbatim, him leaning almost nose to nose with Jake and saying, "I think I just might want to lie down," and Jake replying, "I think you're right," and we all cracked up again, and Don tried to laugh along, even clown a little, but not very convincingly. And he tried to hold back his madness long enough to let us tie him up, then reached the point where it overwhelmed him, and everything got very serious, and very grim again.
 
The sunset scene at the end, with Deirdre and Jesse, feels like a dream memory, but I think I made it up. It could have been dream re-entry, though.
 

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