IN THE MOUNTAINS OF FIRE
By Dolores J. Nurss
Volume VI: The Rift
LESSONS ON MAYHEM
dreamed, in my childhood and teens that I had taught people many different ways
of killing with whatever objects came to hand.
I not only dreamed of Deirdre giving such lessons, but I have dreamed of
taking them, myself. The thing I
remember clearest is the weight on the soul of teaching others how to
kill. I distinctly recall Cyran telling
me, “You’re worth ten warriors!” and me thinking, sarcastically, “Why? Because my heart is pure?”
family has not only been ivory trailer intellectuals for generations, but also
guerilla teachers. All of us, even the
humblest, most fallen, or most damaged, watches constantly for opportunities to
teach as well as learn, as a kind of sacred duty laid upon our line. I remember bursting with pride when my baby
brothers first grew old enough to teach me things I didn’t know. We may be messed up in a lot of ways, but we
have done what we could to make the world a better place. The dream warns me, though, to take care not
to teach the wrong lessons! For I have
learned anger and vengefulness along with other things, and those I must not
pass on, as I fight to control them in myself.
The battle comes from the blur of all
the battles that I have ever fought in dreams.
The memory of the dreams lingers in my muscles, but not in the part of
me that thinks in words. To write it all
up I have to feel in my waking body how my dream-body moved, what it did. Only then does it come back. Or seems to.
I might still be imagining what I think of as memory.
I have dreamed again and again of
rescuing Lufti and hiding with him in a crack of rock. Details change, results change, but the motif
remains the same. I think the Jungian
symbolism is fairly obvious.
I have dreamed of gunning down the
innocent and being blonde. My Shadow
side. I had a reckless tongue back then;
this reminded me that with too quick a wit I could hurt those who don’t deserve
most of the scenes in the boat. However,
I have clearly dreamed that Randy likes cocoa!