By Dolores J. Nurss

Volume VI: The Rift

Chapter 2




            I dreamed of Kiril whispering to me about it being snack time, and about eating anger and pretending that it's love.  Although I became overweight upon menopause, I don't eat emotionally and it does not particularly comfort me.  My worst food-habit is ignoring my hunger till I can't think anymore, and then just grabbing whatever is quick and most likely to stay my hunger for as long as possible till the next time it interrupts whatever I'd rather do than eat.  While dreams do give health-related information frequently, this doesn't quite fit my needs on the literal level.

So what does this mean symbolically?  I did (and sometimes still do) have a bad habit of swallowing back anger and convincing myself that this is the loving thing to do.  But it's not; it only means that the accumulated frustration will explode at some inappropriate moment (since I have deigned not to let it out in some conscious and therefore controlled way) to blow something barely related out of proportion.  I'm learning to do better about this.

After this point on the internal timeline, I have dreamed of Kiril shooting or carrying a rifle.  So I wrote a scene to explain the transition.

Deirdre's dream afterwards, about the flooding hospital, was my own and I thought of myself as Deirdre in it.  I worked in a hospital at the time, although it didn't resemble the hospital in my dream.  Repressed needs and emotions, from the demands of the job, built up a storm and threatened to flood me.  I daresay Deirdre felt similar.

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