By Dolores J. Nurss

Volume V: Sharing Insanity

Chapter 28




I dreamed of a guilty party, where a woman blessed me who I somehow understood would curse me if she knew the truth, if she knew that I bore responsibility for the very thing that she thought that I opposed.  And what does it say about me, that I have dreams like that?  Is it any wonder that I feared so badly to publish this tale?

It says that I have a Shadow.  Something we all have and none of us really wants to admit.  Yet all joys feel false until we do.

The dreams of Luftiís ride continue.  I know that this drug-fueled marathon went on for a dangerously long time, days and nights on end.  His mission, actually rather general, did not require that much haste, but the more he pushed himself by mind-altering means, the more urgent it felt to him.  In the same way I can sometimes blow out of all proportion recommendations into demands, and knock myself out on minor issues to the point of disabling my ability to do major things, without any chemicals to blame.  The pain I suffered in those days came from doing way too much overtime.

I researched and wrote Zanneís part, based on a generalized dream of traveling in search of the Junkfood Queen.  Much to my surprise, red calcites often do contain arsenic, including those that also contain cobalt.  As Iíve mentioned, magentine is a transdimensional variant of cobalt-laced calcite.  And arsenic fit the effects that I observed in the madness epidemic.

Why do I dream, in the 21st century, of the poisonous wares of the Junkfood Queen, when I havenít eaten cookies since 1989, and avoid processed foods generally?  Perhaps the dreams warn of the processed thought-fodder so widespread in our day?  Sweetened with brain-poison guised as something healthful?

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