I have a vague recollection of dreaming
of being happy without true shelter, among those less pleased, surprised by my
own delight, "under the circumstances" without clear memory of what those
circumstances might be.
I wrote of Deirdre taking back command,
but I dreamed of the army's last formal meal at the dairy, and getting everyone
to tip. I added the fullness sensation,
though; in this dream I only felt the rough hugs. I think the dream gave closure, finally, to
the comforts and obligations of childhood, thanking that time before moving on.
I dreamed that Zanne would afterwards
look on Vanikke as her greatest failure, no matter what else she accomplished
there. Part of her could shrug it off
and move on, or pretend to, but another part of her never could. Mabel's backstory just came to me.
I went through a more horrific end to
the dream of the dorm than what I wrote into the story. In this nightmare I watched a boy masturbate
furiously till his penis gushed blood.
The dream intended to shock me into posting my writing, because they
have no fertility if nobody reads them except me, and solitary writing accomplishes
nothing except to drain me till I become anemic in spirit.
I wrote Lufti's nightmare to fit with
things to come. Also Deirdre's waking.