a nap I became General Aliso, learning of Branko, and feeling a stirring of
compassion for the child. Of course,
being human, she/I put the blame entirely on Cyran, when there was blame enough
to go around for both. The nap happened
at a time when my country, which purports to defend freedom, has tangled in
debates as to whether American Muslims have civil rights, and whether we can
afford compassion for children in refugee camps, with a great deal of
projection shooting off in all directions.
I’m sure the dream had to do with that, and with, I suppose, my own
projections onto those who disagree with me.
dreamed separately, years before, of the children spared, by her pretense of
mercy, to starve and freeze in the winter, overburdening the force at the pass. I groveled in guiltitude for the mercy of not
being sent to a foster-home in my youth; now I wonder if I might have been
deteriorating conditions of the rebel camp showed up in multiple dreams. I don’t remember distinct dreams anymore,
just a lot of little bits, vaguely, about malnutrition, crowding, rampant
disease, and nakedness or rags in the icy cold of winter in the mountains, all
on the grounds of Abojan Manor and in the steep country around it. I suppose I should ask what I hungered for,
psychologically, but I don’t remember now.
The nakedness in the cold probably had to do with my self-exposure to
cold and critical people, due to my lack of social skills in my youth.
confessions I made up, but I tried to keep them true to character. I did dream that Deirdre stopped going to
wrote the Mass-scene with Father Man, but not altogether from scratch. Anyone can experience hypnagogia–a brief
dream-perception halfway between states of consciousness—on the verge of
falling asleep or waking—but a narcoleptic can experience it unexpectedly at
any time. For me it sometimes takes the
form of taste sensations–including the taste of communion. (For that matter, often communion tastes to
me like foods that I miss, taboo on account of my hypoglycemia, like baked
beans, maple doughnuts, chocolates, or honey-baked ham. Now that’s a kindness!)
I have dreamed of skeletons in the
ravine. I wrote an explanation for how
they got there. It only made sense.