By Dolores J. Nurss

Volume III: Responsibility

Chapter 49




          I dreamed of flying so high that my eyes frosted over in flight.  I wrote the landing and Deirdre’s aftercare.  I had lofty aspirations, impossible standards in the realm of saintly thoughts and uncompromising beliefs.  But I could only maintain my purity of mind by blinding myself to reality.  I finally realized that God wasted intelligence on me if I considered certain thoughts taboo.  I had to free myself to think everything through, within my limited capacity but using that capacity to the max, if I intended to serve God in the way that He intended.  What tool thinks to please its wielder by blunting itself?

          I wrote Zanne and Merrill’s scene.  But I know that Merrill had become compulsive about spending every moment not on a mission preparing for one, and that this strained his relationship with Zanne.

          I have dreamed often of Koboros, in various stages of her history.  I think I invented this entry into her, but the description matches what I’ve seen.  What it means can change with its point in history, but it has always had an air of mystery about it.  Sometimes I dream the human version, sometimes a Faerie version (which dreams will not enter these tales) but either way it’s a place that matters.

          What it means at this stage is the hope that what the Dominant Culture has brutally suppressed can be revived.  The infrastructure remains, waiting, and full of healing potential.  But it will take work

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