The Adventures of Frodo Gardner
By Dolores J. Nurss
Welcome to the reader appreciation page! And how do I intend to express my appreciation?
(Well, okay, virtual presents, strictly imaginary, all offers void in physical reality--yet still enjoyable enough in flights of fantasy.)
Here's how it goes. I have a list of 500 Tolkien-themed imaginary presents. You pick a number in that range,then email it to me at:
Dreamdeer a message.
(Please begin your subject line with "FG-"
so that I won't mistake it for spam.)
Supply me with either a name or an alias which you won't mind seeing in public. I will then post on this page your name, number, and what prize you have won. If two people happen to pick the same number, I will give you the next available number on the list; if the bottom numbers are all taken and I can go no further, I will start at the top and give you the first number available.
Then, if you feel adventurous, you can write back what, in fantasy, you did with your gift. With your permission, I could post that, too! Or keep my mouth shut, if you prefer. Please specify.
You can play more than once. I really appreciate my readers!
(Some of you might recognize some of these presents from past games. However, I assure you that ~300 are brand new!)
So--step right up and take your chances!
1--Ricky, for her birthday, from another: The compassionate attentions of a fire-maia with blazing red hair and eyes, amenable to doing your bidding in all unharmful ways that pertain to fire, for 24 hours.
To which Ricky has replied, "I'm not sure yet what I'd ask a fire maia to do, except right now
there's bushfires burning all around my state so getting those under
control would be helpful!
7--Katie: An old, weather-stained dwarvish cloak, full of what in retrospect alone were happy memories.
8--Diedye (not an FG fan, known from elsewhere): "The Complete Encyclopedia of Riddles Known to Hobbits and Other Smallish Folk" by Gandalf White, edited by T. Bombadil, from Riverdaughter Press.
9--Eventides: (Known elsewhere) An apartment in the Lonely Mountain, suitable to your height, complete with a skylight and indoor plumbing (including hot and cold running water, from cold mountain snowmelt and hot volcanic springs.)
12--Marta (Has not yet read FG): A silver horn of the Rohirrim, engraved with spiraling scenes of the hunt, that rallies your allies and discourages your foes.
And Marta replies:
"No mathom house for this horn; I will carry it at my side. I long for
adventure and maybe with this I'll be able to imagine the great chases
after boars and other beasts - and hope never to face a face more
unfriendly than Lotho's! Battles give me the willies, and I like my
adventures finished by supper. Still, it's nice to know I'd have help if
I needed it."
13--Ricky: A two-week diving vacation for two (plus children if desired) through the coral gardens of Numenor, houseboat and water-breathing magic provided at no extra charge.
And Ricky's reply:
"Since the giver of gifts has left a few loopholes, I will ask Eowyn
to come with me. First we will visit Earth children who are stuck in
any type of bad circumstances and ask each if they would like to come
with us; we will take as many as we can safely manage. During the
trip, Eowyn will - I am sure - use her mental and physical healing
arts to help the children as much as possible, and I will do the same
(though my healing ability is tiny compared to hers). Plus, of
course, the children will have a wonderful holiday to enjoy and time
to make new friends... and wonderful memories to take with them and
treasure for all time."
22--Jazmine (not an FG fan, known from elsewhere): A silver elven belt, clasped with a golden flower.
31--Kethry (Not an FG fan, known from elsewhere): A piece of sugar-iced spice cake with an edible magic star hidden inside it, that will enable you, upon ingestion, to visit Faerie.
34--Ricky, for her birthday: A complete four-CD set of "Mordor's Favorite Party Songs" along with the latest hi-tech boom box of orkish manufacture.
35--Out of sympathy for Ricky receiving the last present: "Translations from the Elvish" By B. Baggins, in a green leather volume with gold leafed letters.
56--Yavanna: Finely tooled riding-boots of Rohan, worked in a motif of leaves and wildflowers, made to your size and foot configuration.
77--Ricky: "Minas Morgul Sings the Blues" A two-CD recording of a sort-of-live concert performed by the Nine Riders for the hometown crowd, preceded by a solo from the Mouth of Sauron as an opening act.
And Ricky replies:
"Ummm... dear Arda! My first instinct is the best place for this one
is inside whatever is left of Mount Doom! I might be a composer, and
interested in different types of music, but there is no way I am
brave enough for that. In any case, I suspect that my speakers would
melt in sheer self-preservation - can you imagine the sound?!
On the other hand, I could probably get a fortune for them on E- bay... there's some crazy Lord Of The Rings fans out there."
99--Sunrise's Child: A statue cast in gold of Tulkas Astaldo, posed to best display his musculature.
108--Celandine: An amethyst and copper pin from the fine, rustic craftsmen of Bree, depicting a cluster of grapes.
128--Erendis: A lock of Galadrielís hair set in crystal.
205--Errol Fisch: A Nazgul's former black steed, completely retrained and deprogrammed, yet still not afraid of anything.
And Errol's response:
"The horse may be fearless, but I'm not. I think I'll give it a
nice quiet life in the Bree-land hauling vegetables to market,
and when we really want excitement we can stop in at the Prancing
Pony to hear the news from foreign parts."
214--Larry: A partridge of Arnor which happens to have wandered into a Shire pear tree--you get both tree and bird. An accompanying page from a popular Shire cookbook will provide a recipe for partridge roasted in pear sauce.
And Larry's response:
"I guess the recipe answers the question of what to do with the
patridge and some of the pears. Maybe I can start an orchard
with the tree and use it to house the rest of the menagerie
that's sure to arrive over the next 11 days -- starting with
the two turtle doves. I suspect they'll be giant ones from
Fastitocalon Island, and the pear tree may be uncomfortably small
for them to nest in, but I don't have anyplace else for them."
250--PipMer: "The Complete Collection of Elvish Limericks, Shaggy Dog Stories, and Punning Verse Permanently Banned from the Hall of Fire".
255--Ghazaal: The Entire Haul of Loot from a Troll's Lair.
316--Larry: A four-year scholarship, all tuition paid, plus dorm, meal-ticket, and educational supplies, to the Grey Havens Maritime Acadamy, to study your choice of swanship sailing, magical meteorology (not that they would call it magic), marine biology, or navigation by the stars.
And Larry's response:
"It's a good thing these gifts are void in physical reality, where
I can't take four years off to take advantage of this one. I
will major in navigation by the stars, in honor of Elbereth's
star-sowing, the first feature of elvish mythology to catch my
imagination (back in 1966 when The Silmarillion wasn't
available yet). I especially look forward to the Historical
Retrospect course, covering the role of Earendil's star in
guiding the Edain to Numenor and the old rules of star navigation
before the Change of the World. After graduation I hope to join
an expedition seeking the Straight Road. We won't find it, of
course, but the search will take us into obscure parts of Arda,
where we'll learn many unexpected things -- and maybe even
get home to tell about them."
333. Tani: A two-week vacation for two in Rivendell, in Autumn, all expenses paid, just in time for the Harvest Festival. (Additional accommodations for children will be allowed, free of charge, if desired.)
368--Woz: A statue of Melkor in jet, slyly half-opening a small apparent treasure-chest, as if daring the viewer to open it the rest of the way.
And Woz responds
Ack, to open or not to open?! The worst of it is, he'll
probably trick me into opening it when I don't want to....
-- Oh, wait, it's just a statue. Let's see, how to display it
effectively? I know, I'll make a little caption-sign to set
at its foot: "Hint: the password is something edible." The sign
will slyly forget to add, "edible by Ungoliant, anyway."
387--Rohan's Jedi: A pair of pearl earrings of Teleri elvish work.
429--Elanor: A statue sculpted of polychrome porcelain, of Irmo called Lorien, with phantasms cradled to his breast, fair dreams and visions in the clasp of his right arm, dire nightmares and warnings clasped in his left.
442--Aure: Part-ownership of the Green Dragon, including free service among the perks.
And Aure responds:
"First things first: bring in the dwarves. They're great cooks and can
always get the fire lit, and they tell such great tales. Though I think
I'll probably warn them to - uh - make sure their stories are fit for
children's ears. No stories of the goblin wars for us, thank you!
I'm going to bring in some pipeweed from the south, where it grows so
much bigger than what we have up here. If I can get that to take root
here in the north we'll have a special breed all our own, and maybe
we'll bring in more travellers with some stories of their own, and that
can't but help."
500--Ace: An elvish tutor, if you are a minor (prepaid for one full year); an elvish nanny if you are a parent or grandparent of minors (prepaid for one full year); and if neither is the case, a changeling elvish baby girl on your doorstep in a wicker basket.
To which Ace has replied,
"I'm 58 years old - almost a crone by human standards, middle-aged
by hobbit standards, but barely even an adolescent by elven reckoning.
It would only be for one year - an eyeblink of time. And there's so
much I want to learn! IstimŽ Baradi, canyŽlŽ!"
I agreed that she could declare herself a minor to the elves, but asked her what she would major in. To which she replied:
"I'd "major" in languages, healing, cooking, and any other form of
magic my Elvish tutor deemed me capable of learning. Music, too,
if possible. How am I going to manage to learn everything I want to
in just one year?!"