By Dolores J. Nurss

Volume V: Sharing Insanity

Chapter 32




The dream of collapsing in church was vague, but the events in Balboa Park actually happened exactly as described, and the dream I had then will come into the tale eventually.  I really do make transitions that abruptly.  I know that most people would say that I have plenty enough reason to explain my dreams as purely psychological, but regardless of my intellectual opinions on the matter, I do not, cannot feel that way, because narcolepsy makes it all so immediate for me.  Parts of me believe that these are “only” dreams, and parts of me believe that they have some reality of their own.  And, sane or not, I love all of the people in them, heroes and villains alike.

And why should it matter?  We will never know for certain whether King Arthur ever existed or not.  But fictional or historical, his story will always linger with us, his courage will always mean something.  Stories—and dreams—have their own reasoning.

I wrote the scene between Kiril and Lufti.

I cannot honestly recall now whether I dreamed or imagined Deirdre's nightmare of the dance of war.

I saw other faces in the mirror, in the waking world, which one can attribute to the “hypnagogic hallucinations” of narcolepsy—dreaming on one’s feet.  I saw Zanne, Deirdre, and Jake.  It happened in the bathroom of the Grail in San Diego, our communal household in the early days of our marriage, so that would place it somewhere between 1985 and 1988, same as the Balboa Park incident.  I wove in viewpoints of the others, how it must have seemed to them.  And it does make a kind of internal sense, with George messing up the boundaries between worlds.\

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