By Dolores J. Nurss

Volume V: Sharing Insanity

Chapter 17




I based the reminiscences of Ozwald and Guaril on a dream I had of them on February 19, 2015:

            ďIím a young, risingly successful salesman for a large corporation.  A friend gets in trouble with a mysterious organization (?) right when I lose my job.  In helping him and his friends to hide, I wind up on the run, myself.  We find a place to hole up and tend the bullet wound of one of our number.  I go to buy as many groceries as I can before liquidating my assets.  My girlfriendís in on it.  As I drive a car crammed with supplies, I reflect on how lucky I am that I donít have kids to worry about in this crisis, and that I have Romani blood.  I realize that my life has changed forever.Ē

 I do have some Romani blood (A great, great grandfather) yet Iíve spent most of my life dreading change.  Iíve come to realize that change is the normal human state, and the dream reminded me that sometimes instability brings advantage in a hostile world.  I remember the friend as a blonde kidóI need to defend something that Iíve shoved into Shadow: the part of me that could actively embrace the insecurity of adventure.  This doesnít mean discarding prudence; the dream shows me stocking up on supplies, taking care of the practical side.  But it does mean accepting sudden shifts in my fortunes.

And in fact my life changed forever soon after.  My grandmother died that March, the day before what would have been her 99th birthday.  And Iím still trying to sort out what life means without her powerful presence.

As for the rat, I dreamed that it kept tracking us no matter where we went.

How many times have I dreamed of crouching in a tree, waiting for soldiers to pass?   It took some effort to distinguish this memory from many others, but I did indeed dream of Deirdreís quest for Betany, trying to destroy the trail, fending off soldiers along the way, and repeatedly blinking on a different scene, suddenly aware of having fallen asleep, over and over.  This dream extends into the next chapter.

My dream (this one most detailed of a series) tried to tell me that I wasnít conscious enough in a perilous situation at that time (decades earlier than the Vanikke dream.)  I ignored warning signs and a blatant vision, and wound up financially ruined, because I fell into the sleep of a society that does not take visions seriously.  Had we moved to Arizona when the vision said to, my husband and I would have dodged the dot-com crash and avoided three years of misery.

I invented Alisoís scene.  Honestly, I didnít dream very much of her directly, just of the rebel awareness of her.

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