By Dolores J. Nurss

Volume IV: Braided Paths

Chapter 40




I wrote about launching Lufti to explain other dreams of him  alone on the road.  I also wrote about Randy showering and his threesome preparing for their cult initiation.

I dreamed of meeting with Kiril and noticing her weight-gain.  I see now that I was giving too much weight to my dependency on others as a reason to hate myself, when in fact these others had impaired my ability to become self-sufficient at that time.  But thinking that through consciously seemed taboo in those days, ungrateful.  Eventually I had to, though, in order to become capable of moving out and taking my place as an adult.

My dreams of Zanne around this period, internal timeline, also show her/me as plump, even when I wasn’t in my waking body.  Under the circumstances, I figure Cybil had to be the reason, in the dream-world.  In the waking world I saw in this a warning to make sure that my Shadow didn’t grow behind my back—particularly the part about looking in the mirror at an enlarged butt.

I’ve also dreamed some of these characters with Zanne, and more general dreams about sharing a series of run-down homes with lots of diverse people.  I know quite specifically from dreams that Ozwald likes blue and considers it lucky.  It matches his eye.  I also dreamed of Guaril’s office turning against him, and separately of him and Tshura helping Skirnir and Ozwald escape a mob, while taking care of Skirnir’s bullet-wound in the back seat—from Guaril’s viewpoint, hoping that my Romany heritage would somehow give me what I needed to know to live on the run, though I had no street experience.  In yet another dream I saw Ozwald betrayed at an office, where he came to deliver a message, and getting an eye gouged out.  I had dreamed, as Guaril, of happier days, when I got to know Ozwald as a skateboard-messenger delivering mail to my office where I worked as a salesman, and I came out on lunch breaks to watch the kids show off their stunts, and eventually I learned skateboarding on weekends from Ozwald and Skirnir—and some people looked askance at me for associating with “Aryans”.  (This might have to do with my mixed blood.  I am part Mexican-Indian, part White, and part Romany, and my heritages have warred with each other.  But I need all of who I am)  All of these people I dreamed of winding up with Zanne.  I wish that I could weave their stories more specifically into the series, but it has already grown too complex.

I dreamed of being the boy in the tavern, and everyone around me looking so big!  Actually, to be honest, I’m not sure whether I was a boy or a hobbit in the dream.  (More of my fanfic, “The Adventures of Frodo Gardner” came from dreams than anyone will ever know.)

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