I wrote about launching Lufti to
explain other dreams of him alone on the
road. I also wrote about Randy showering
and his threesome preparing for their cult initiation.
I dreamed of meeting with Kiril and
noticing her weight-gain. I see now that
I was giving too much weight to my dependency on others as a reason to hate
myself, when in fact these others had impaired my ability to become
self-sufficient at that time. But
thinking that through consciously seemed taboo in those days, ungrateful. Eventually I had to, though, in order to
become capable of moving out and taking my place as an adult.
My dreams of Zanne around this period,
internal timeline, also show her/me as plump, even when I wasn’t in my waking
body. Under the circumstances, I figure
Cybil had to be the reason, in the dream-world.
In the waking world I saw in this a warning to make sure that my Shadow
didn’t grow behind my back—particularly the part about looking in the mirror at
an enlarged butt.
I’ve also dreamed some of these
characters with Zanne, and more general dreams about sharing a series of
run-down homes with lots of diverse people.
I know quite specifically from dreams that Ozwald likes blue and
considers it lucky. It matches his eye. I also dreamed of Guaril’s office turning
against him, and separately of him and Tshura helping Skirnir and Ozwald escape
a mob, while taking care of Skirnir’s bullet-wound in the back seat—from
Guaril’s viewpoint, hoping that my Romany heritage would somehow give me what I
needed to know to live on the run, though I had no street experience. In yet another dream I saw Ozwald betrayed at
an office, where he came to deliver a message, and getting an eye gouged out. I had dreamed, as Guaril, of happier days,
when I got to know Ozwald as a skateboard-messenger delivering mail to my
office where I worked as a salesman, and I came out on lunch breaks to watch
the kids show off their stunts, and eventually I learned skateboarding on
weekends from Ozwald and Skirnir—and some people looked askance at me for
associating with “Aryans”. (This might
have to do with my mixed blood. I am
part Mexican-Indian, part White, and part Romany, and my heritages have warred
with each other. But I need all of who I
am) All of these people I dreamed of
winding up with Zanne. I wish that I
could weave their stories more specifically into the series, but it has already
grown too complex.
I dreamed of being the boy in the
tavern, and everyone around me looking so big!
Actually, to be honest, I’m not sure whether I was a boy or a hobbit in
the dream. (More of my fanfic, “The
Adventures of Frodo Gardner” came from dreams than anyone will ever know.)