By Dolores J. Nurss

Volume 1I: Tests of Fire and Blood

Chapter 47




I continued the dream that ended the last chapter by finding Imad in the sacred pool, dying of his burns.  I dreamed it shortly after leaving my transcription-job, disabled by it and burnt-out, and also dealing with some serious, unrelated, forgiveness issues.  I had hatreds that I needed to let die.  Maybe I was also burnt-out on being angry.

I made up General Aliso’s musings, to foreshadow things dreamed.

I also made up the reunion conversation after Imad’s death.  But I knew, as background information in other dreams, that Madame had died in the fire, and that the fire had also destroyed the harp.  As for Lucinda’s concussion, that shows up in dreams recounted later.

          I dreamed , as Deirdre, of searching for Little Bertha in the slums of Rhallunn, with Jacob Keller. It all seems so vivid to me now that I no longer remember which details I dreamed, and which I added later. I could not move on in my life until I had allowed my bad mental image of my mother to die, with love and respect.

          I know at least that that bit of red silk with the beads on it came from the dream.  Left to my own writing I would not have made it silk—a material even more precious there than here.  I can think of no sumbolism for the silk, except maybe something of great value, unappreciated.  The only context I can think of for the beads is that, in San Diego, the beach communities which my dreams transformed into Rhallunn (showing traces of the same buildings and landmarks in ruins, and crowding the streets with hovels and trash) are very good places to buy beads.  A reminder, perhaps, of the creativity in that borderland?

          And why would Deirdre also have this dream?  The literal flashbacks of  PTSD dreams are not, in themselves, bad luck, but they remind us of our misfortunes and so could be misinterpreted that way.  Perhaps this came up for Deirdre because the time had come for her, too, to forgive her mother—because, at that point, she had increasingly had to confront her own dark side, and could no longer judge.  Perhaps Imad’s good example exerted that much positive influence in her life.

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